Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You took a bar mat shot.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
