Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
