I faked an abortion last night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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