Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
