We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
