OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
