Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
