Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
