I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
