I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
