True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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