i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
