i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
