I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
