wrigley field is MILF paradise
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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