Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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