I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
