There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I would fuck him just for his dog
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