Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
