the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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