This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
