Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
