its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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