I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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