Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
