Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
