why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
