p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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