i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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