My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
