you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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