she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
