college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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