It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
