I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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