I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
