Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
