He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
