you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
