i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
