I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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