Where are you?
In a non slutty way
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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