There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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