My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
