i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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