dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
