anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
