Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
