Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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