he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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