It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
