So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
